I Love Baseball and I’m Not Bitter

Let’s get one thing straight. I am neither a Cubs nor a Dodger fan. That Chicago traded Greg Maddux to L.A. is a roaring matter of indifference to me. The league is lucky to have the Cardinals, who provide the only real entertainment to fans worldwide.

However, Mr. Maddux does cheer me with his dogged commitment to one of baseball’s fundamental, non-negotiable elements: the stirrups (or the appearance of them). I absolutely hate those stupid pants that have infected baseball. In what universe does any player think that ground-dragging pants serve the best interests of baseball? They get on my nerves as much as gas stations whose “8” is upside down on their sign. If you want to wear pants to play sports then take up bowling or golf. Otherwise, wear real baseball pants with stirrup-laden socks. Anything else is just plain stupid. (Don’t get me started on basketball “shorts,” which are really koolats with stripes.)

Steroids are not baseball’s biggest threat. Fancy pants are. They threaten the integrity of the game and all things sacred about baseball. I submit that anyone having worn them should be barred from the Hall of Fame. What’s next? Pink jerseys and lace lettering? Visors instead of caps?

Thank you, Greg Maddux, for remaining a true baseball man. It’s unfortunate that you were never a Cardinal. Spending a career in the minor leagues is tough. So keep your pants on; we need someone like you.

3 thoughts on “I Love Baseball and I’m Not Bitter

  1. Barry,

    Speaking of baseball, do you think you could post about the Cardinals’ losing streak? Last time you did that (if I remember correctly) you ended it, and I sure would like to see it end again. Thanks for your help.

  2. What many don’t know is that the St. Louis Cardinals is as much a missions organization as it is a baseball club. So, at about this time of the season they typically ramp up their evangelistic efforts. It’s called “Purpose-Driven Baseball.” Street preaching and gospel visitations make for extremely late nights and early mornings. This obviously effects team stamina and cohesion. Let’s face it, Chicago and Philly are apostate cities demanding tremendous missionary efforts. Therefore, we’ve come to accept this 6-game losing streak for the sake of lost souls everywhere.

    Word on the street is they’ve just met their baptism goal of 1,839 people. So expect a victory tonight with Marquis at the helm.

  3. Hey BJ,
    (I mistakenly posted this on your “Why I love the SHBC Men”, oops)

    Couldn’t agree with you more. The equivalent to these fancy pants is the baggy shorts in the NBA. Thank the good Lord for football, you don’t see them messing with the uniforms…oops, just remembered the Broncos…

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